Hardware Humor

“Is translucent clear?”

….Is the Pope Catholic? Is the sky blue? Do birds fly?

The intelligence level of people around this place is really starting to scare me.

“Do you have any hair color?”

-a woman asked while in the paint department

….No comment necessary.

“I need this, but the opposite of this.”

…so you don’t need that? Or you need it’s evil twin? Or do you need its mate? Use your words, I’m not following.

“Can I get four of these?”

-What a customer asked after bringing only 1 light bulb up.

“You want 4 of them? Were there 4 more back there or…”

“Ya, do I go get them?”

…no, you wait comfortably right here while I hold up the busy check out line to go get you 3 more bulbs that you should’ve brought up with you in the first place.

“Welcome. Good morning. I hope you enjoy your shopping experience today. Let us know if you need any help.”

#1 Always yell across the store when you need help down an aisle. Especially when we are all busy helping other, more gracious, customers. We will drop everything we’re doing to help out the screamers.

#2 We love lingerers. The creepier you are, the faster the service. Always hang close around the register counter and key machine to guarantee immediate attention.

#3 The weekend do-it-yourselfers are our favorites. The less you know about your project, the better! Your project is our project in all sense of the phrase and we love helping EVERY step of the way.

#4 It’s always a great idea to throw a shopping list at us right when you come in the door. Don’t bother trying to look for anything yourself, let us do all your shopping for you regardless of your health or capabilities to walk a short distance!

#5 We are always very interested in the back story of your purchase. The more detail you put in, the more engaged we become. So please, don’t leave anything out. We really really want to know why you need to buy a particular item.

Here’s another one we hear on the daily.

“Just printed it this morning.”

-when a customer hands over a $100 bill.

…I must have missed the day when this line was ever funny. It’s more like a waste of breath. Stop using it, I beg of you.